Wednesday, September 13, 2017

I'm Not Strong

I decided to stop comparing myself to other people. I've always had trouble carrying heavy things or with too much physical exertion. I usually get tired in the middle of the day even if I got 8 hours of sleep the night before. I have a lot of trouble falling asleep if there's any noise or if I'm stressed out about something. I get cold very easily. My digestion is not good.

Other people don't get back and shoulder pain carrying a laptop in a backpack. They can go all day on 6 hours of sleep or less. They only need one jacket if it's cold. I don't know what it feels like to be those people. I wonder if they feel like I do and they just don't cut themselves any slack. But sometimes I wonder if they would be shocked if they felt what was going on inside my body.

Either way, there is no point in making myself miserable by trying to live up to a made-up standard of what humans should be able to do. Even if someone else wouldn't be bothered by the pain that takes me out, it's still really bad pain to me. It doesn't benefit anyone if I don't take care of myself.

But I also plan around my energy levels. If I make a promise then I won't schedule personal things that might wear me out and interfere with my ability to be there for another person. Unless I get sick suddenly, which can't be planned for, I will show up. There are time when I need to push myself for the sake of someone else, but that's different because it's hurting myself for a reason, not from refusing to accept my real abilities.

So that's why I won't feel bad for needing more sleep and not being able to do as much as other people. Doing that doesn't benefit anyone and it would only lead to me crashing from exhaustion harder and more often.

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