I think everyone has the experience where they feel like they just can't understand something no matter how hard they try. For example, a complex book, a life principle, or a theological concept. So for years you rack your brains thinking, "Why is this so hard???" and "What did I miss???"
Then years later you go back to the same idea, and one of two things happen. Either you think, "This is incredibly simple! Why didn't I get it before?"
Or you think, "This is a load of crap!"
Both are a normal part of life. I think I'm going to call this something like "The very thin line between 'don't understand' and 'don't agree' and how it can be exploited."
When you're very young or very impressionable, "I don't understand" is a lot safer than "I don't agree." Sure, a lot of times you don't understand at first and you need more information to make an informed opinion.
But lately I've come to realize there's a turning point...For example when your friends are all trying to get you to like Game of Thrones or Frozen and you finally go, "No! I know what you're going to say, I know all the arguments for why it's popular, but I still think those are stupid reasons." And moreover, you can explain why those are stupid reasons.
At this point you could keep beating yourself up for just "not getting it," but that's dishonest. In fact, you get those franchises pretty well and you've just come to different conclusions from your friends. You don't need someone to explain to you how a universe with dragons and zombies relies on gritty realism (i.e. sexism), or why victim blaming (she got engaged in one day, what do you expect???) is the height of feminism.
Now, this "fine line" can be exploited by someone who's used to speaking from a position of authority. For example a teacher or a pastor. I think we've all heard the, "Now, this passage says this, which may seem problematic--but properly interpreted in the original Greek, it actually means this totally different thing..." The audience is being reassured that, no, they don't actually disagree with the passage. They just don't understand it.
Usually when I hear a pastor (tends to be a pastor) using the "properly understood" line, I have enough background knowledge to go, "Yeah....That passage is notorious for being contradictory. Your explanation is one way of dodging that bullet but there's still holes." But if I didn't know anything about the topic I'd probably just think, "Oh, silly me.There I go again thinking words mean what they generally mean..."
So I guess the rule is not to be over quick to tell someone "Oh, you just don't understand what I'm saying, let me explain" before you even know how much they know, and if you do give an explanation try to make it as accurate as possible and don't hide information to make yourself sound more sure than you really are.
Actually, I think it's sometimes really open minded to say, "I don't think we're really disagreeing on the important things. I think we're just defining terms differently and talking past each other." In that case it's more self-aware to realize you didn't understand where the person is coming from and when you get more information you both see that you're more alike than different.
Like when you suddenly go, "Ohhhhh when you say 'desire' your first thought is 'unbridled lust.' I was just using it to mean 'wanting something.'"
There are times where it's helpful to say, "We don't disagree, we're just not understanding each other." But I don't think it's really fair to say, "You just don't understand." You might think it, but at least be sure of what information the other person is missing before you throw it out.
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